Birthdays

I've learned over the years that we have many kinds of birthdays. Those deep life-changing moments when we know we will never be the same. Those times when are born into a new era of our own lives. Those times when we wear our names like a piece of clothing we have outgrown.

Sometimes we know right away when this happens -- sometimes we even know before it happens. But often we do not know until later. We discover it through trying to be who we thought we were, but finally having to realize that it isn't working. We are no longer the same, and it pains us to try to be the old identity. We often identify the change because nothing seems right, and we eliminate everything until we realize that it is just that we can no longer meet old expectations of ourselves.

We are new, fresh, and we brighten once we have this new outlook.

So today I am suddenly thinking of one of these birthdays. One birthday that I knew would be life changing before it happened. This day isn't the first time I was in India, although when I arrived I struggled with knowing that I would never be the same -- that it was too late to go back, that I was forever changed. No, am I thinking of another birthday. I am thinking of the day I was ordained.

It never mattered to me what day I was ordained. The fact that I slid into a new way of being -- a marvelous state of growth -- was what mattered. Like the best fertilizer for your garden plants. The best dirt and sunshine and water all rolled into one. The freedom to shed ordinary obligations to TV and materialism without explanation. The ability to put all my Dharma effort into a high interest account.

That is the birthday I remember. But the date didn't matter. The fact that I ARRIVED mattered.

But now that we are returning to the land of that sacred pilgrimage, I remember that this birth date is quite close. And five days later, another monastic's.

Now it matters to me, just a bit, because on the first full day we arrive in India, it will be my birthday. And in another way, it will be your birthday too.

I look forward to celebrating with all of you.