Perceptions

I thought that I had posted for the last time on this particular blog already...but hit some unknown key on the keyboard and suddenly there the blog was...actually the picture was the first thing that I saw and then it dawned on me where I was...and after reading Tinley's post and having shivers run down my spine and comprehension come into focus I was inspired to add yet another thought in relation to the pilgrimage and perception.

One of my perceptions regarding India was that everything was new and different...I had never been on a bicycle rickshaw before, or tasted Indian food, or sat in the shadow of the stupa at Sarnath...or a million other little (and big) things. I had never been to India before...and after reading Tinley's email and having the phrase "Why aren't you bored yet?" pop into my mind...I realized that this perception I held about India could not possibly be true.

Through uncontrolled rebirth and the emanation process, we have returned again and again and again, been everywhere, played every role, done every misdeed known to man...done everything...nothing is new...well maybe one thing...

Nothing is new, except perhaps the process of transformation...it is the very thing that we have not yet experienced...so hence the question...why can we not see it? Why do we continue to yearn for newness within samsara when it can not be found...we are limited by our perceptions...and thus we continue to play in samsara.

My response to that...I am not interested in playing in samsara anymore...I am not interested in doing the same old repetitive activities and for what end? A moment of happiness...temporary...that falls away just as it comes into existence...and that really does not even come close to the joy that can be found within the transformative process and path.... So the question becomes...where do my priorities lie...and will I be able to hold that perception...

I hope to be able to hold these lessons carefully that I have learned from this pilgrimage...because really...I have no desire to learn them again:)

Blessings,
Menma

Though all things are like a dream...

Sitting here crossed legged on the dining room floor at the Hill St. center in Madison wanting to make one final contribution to this wonderful compilation of experiences, reflections, and thoughts. What can I say...what is there left to write about..? There must be something still left to say and as I think that thought a line from Lama Chopa comes to mind.

"Though all things are like a dream, lacking inherent or natural existence..."

What are dreams? What is reality? India feels like a dream to me...Even now...I see a picture of the Ganges or remember standing on the rooftop of Ganpati guest house and still feel disbelief that I was actually there...that it was not a dream. We were really there in India, we were at physical locations named "Varansai" and "Bodhgaya"...and going further...the only thing that seperated us from the events connected with those physical locations was time...the passage of time...we were within the same space...the same space where Sidhartha attained enlightenment and became known as Lord Buddha Shakyamuni...and he is not gone...he remains...but not in the space...he remains in the Dharma...the living Dharma...

...where am I going with this post? you might ask...even I am not really sure...but there is something about the nature of time and space that is not as rigid and defined as we thought it was...and there is something about the nature of reality that is more dreamlike and flexible that we can see right now. That is what it was important for me to reflect on tonight...

And in keeping with this being the final posting that I plan to make to this blog...I want to thank everyone for being who they were in India and for being willing to make the changes that needed to happen...I include myself in this group...and I thank Rinpoche, Pema, Drichab, Dewa and many others for supporting me in that process. I look forward to continuing to integrate what happened and what I learned and watching others do the same...

And finally...I had intended to put this somewhere for future reference...but never quite got to it....so I will say a few things now in regards to packing...

What I learned about packing for a pilgrimage in India...?
1. Traveling light is very very good...the lighter the better...I think we all were overpacked...well except Pema Dorje...who I remember thinking was very lucky for not having to haul a ton of "essentials" around.

2. Wet wipes and dust masks were essential...and very hard to find in India. Toilet paper was valuable but easily found most of the time.

3. Gauze, tea tree oil, tape were the best things for cleaning and dressing owies in India...forget the fancy first aid kits. I still think the Ace bandage and disposable ice packs were a good idea...thankfully we did not need to use them. Pepto bismal for GI stuff was essential...I used my antibiotic that I brought as well. Would have loved to have Vitamin C and Echinacea along for colds as well as over the counter cold tablets. And we learned that there are mosquiotos in India in the winter...so bug spray was good...Sangmo's purification essential oil spray was very popular. Other essential oil hits were RC, Eucalyptis, and peppermint. I brought Thieves too...but mostly it was too strong to use...

4. Clothes...we all brought too many...they can be washed...Pema's recommendation had been 3 outfits...that was plenty...and take into account buying clothes when you figure that one out. I found that a skirt with long underwear was the most practical and culturally sensitive option. I just about wore out the skirt I brought. I bought a shawl that was a silk wool blend and that was usually warm enough during the day...for early mornings or cooler days I had a light fleece jacket and hat...I didn't wear the hat much though...but I wasn't in Tso Pema either....was colder there.

5. Find a hot water coil as soon as you can once you arrive in India...was well worth the trouble of searching it out...

6. I brought my Lam Rim...was good for the flights but impractical to carry around...and I really didn't read much in India anyway...next time I would save it for when I returned home. And I learned that you could use just about anything as a meditation cushion...I'm no longer attached to the one I used before India...so just in case you were wondering how to go on pilgrimage without your cushion...

I am sure that there were more things that i wanted to include in this list...but it is late and I must retire for the night...so with that...I close this email...

Blessings to all the pilgrims who were with us in India and those that remained in America (or elsewhere) but participated strongly nonetheless...and much love,
Menma

Remembering Varanasi...and remembering death

Earlier today I set the picture of the Ganges ,that Palden had posted, as my desktop wallpaper and consequently have been reflecting on the time we spent there.

As a westerner in a foreign country I felt that I should have been more surprised by India...but I wasn't really. It all seemed familiar, different, but still familiar. I remember picturing what it would be like months before we even left...and what I pictured was what Varanasi was. In considering all the places we traveled, I recall feeling very at home in Varanasi, moreso even than Bodhgaya.

There was something very familiar about many things in Varanasi...about the way that the fog drifted in from the Ganges to completely immerse our hotel and the way that the air seemed to have a substance to it...it could be felt against your skin and it could be parted as you waved your hand through it...it even had a taste and a odor to it...not bad, but a moistness. I never recall seeing a sunrise or sunset in Varansai. The sky simply seemed to gradually lighten and change from dark grey to white to pink in the morning and in the evening darken slowly over the similarly mysterious color of the Ganges.

There was even something familiar in the meandering and maze-like back roads in which one had to carefully watch foot placement in order to stay upright. I don't even remember what they were made out of...perhaps a puzzle of stone and dirt and gravel. For one who has always had problems not getting lost, I never got lost on those back roads, and I had no fear of venturing out after dark.

The flames and acrid smoke of the burning ghats did not shock me...it seemed perfectly normal to stand there and observe the fate that will be mine someday. Fire cleanses, and I am not afraid of death...I am afraid of not living life, of not accomplishing what I came here to do...I am afraid of regret...

Varanasi seemed very alive to me; old, ancient even, but very much alive. I would like to return there someday...and in the meantime I will live my life so when my time comes I will have no regrets...I will be ready...just as I hope those individuals were...those bodies being consumed by flames. I hope that they were ready for death when their time came

...that was what struck me most about the burning ghats, not that those people were dead...but that they had been alive...they had been alive when we got on the plane...when we arrived in India...and perhaps they never knew that their time was coming to an end...

Life is uncertain, and thus one must always be ready, one must always be prepared, and one must live each day remembering that uncertainty....one must live every day remembering death...not to make you afraid or paranoid...but so you will be ready...so you will have no regrets.

"Happy New You" to Lhakpa Dolma

Dear Lhakpa Dolma,

I greeted you last night as Lhakpa Dolma in my dream...just as we greeted each other on the roof in Varanasi under the stars as the New Year came forward...except both of us are different now...and thus I greet you again with "Happy New You"

The name fits you well my friend. I look forward to greeting you in person soon.

Take Care, your sister in the Dharma
Menma

Reflections continued

Hello to fellow pilgrims (those in India and those in America),

I am continuing to remain partially between Indian and Wisconsin time, which makes for some interesting days and nights:) I awoke this morning, early (like 3 am) convinced that I was still in India...despite the fact that it was quiet outside and my cat was sleeping next to me. After a few minutes, logic came forward and I accepted the fact that I was not in India:)

Unable to fall back asleep, I crawled out of bed, made some breakfast, and sat down at my computer. My attention returned to my travel journal, laying open at the desk where I had left it the day before, when I had begun looking at it, intent on piecing together the past few weeks, both for my own process and in order to share with others just what happened. After several hours I have pieced together a travel log of the discussions, practices and teachings received on pilgrimage...for anyone who wants copies...let me know.

However, despite completing this log...much feels up in the air...where did the time go? How am I changed? Rinpoche said something very early on in the retreat, during the teaching on personality..."Who am I?"..."I am me"

I am not the person who got on a plane for the first time in my life, or the person who stepped off into a foreign country, or even the person that sat gazing up at the Bodhi tree...I am who I am....and at the same time I am not that one...

So, now, as the questions start to filter to the surface...what comes to mind is...and I ask myself and I ask you all: What did we do on pilgrimage? Or perhaps the question is more of, "What did it mean to be on pilgrimage? because it strikes me that pilgrimage is not something that involves doing but rather being.

Some of the thoughts that come to mind...on pilgrimage...
We learned. We experienced. We remembered. We struggled, we persevered and we triumphed. We practiced and we requested. We listened, we heard and we understood.

We were practitioners, we were pilgrims, and we simply were...

I can't come up with a better way to say it...and as I will sit in Thiensville, WI tonight, where a group is gathering at Jim and Ozer's house to share tales and stories about India...I know that some stories, some experiences to be shared will be funny, some will be hard to believe, some will be joyful, some will simply be what they are... and some stories and experiences will remain wordless and inexpressible...held carefully inside...in a place where they will be remembered energetically.

Perhaps the true answer to the question I asked...is that pilgrimage is simply a journey... a journey to outer locations, but it is also a journey to inner places, and a remembering of those energetic addresses.

Be well all and much love,
Menma

What kind of tea? Milk Tea, Butter Tea, etc.

Thank you to Sangmo for posting about those last few days in India, allows me to continue with the lighthearted posts about India:) I have just woken up...yes I know that it is almost 8pm here...but I am having a much more challenging time switching back to Wisconsin time and culture...making progress though, I was up for the majority of the day.

Anyway, today's post wil l be about (drum roll please, non-Chod damaru though) TEA., and not just any tea...tea in India. What prompted this post? you might ask. Well, I just attempted to make milk tea here in America...and it is close, but not quite the same. And then there is the fact that Sangmo has been wanting me to write the infamous "milk tea" post since we arrived in Amsterdam...or maybe even before that...so here it is.

The first Indian tea that I experienced was at Potala guest house in Manjukatila the first day of the retreat. It was listed on the menu as "milk tea" and it was a wonderful and comforting blend of milk, sugar, and a familiar Chai taste...I however think that there was more sugar and milk in the tea than tea...if there was any tea at all:) We came to know this tea under many names: milk tea, sweet tea, milk and sugar tea, and masala tea (I was told at some point by a local that masala was the Indian version of Chai) Everyone in India seems to drink Masala tea, and we had it everywhere...I even had a cup sitting with Sonam in a tiny backroom apothecary filled from floor to ceiling with spices, essential oils, and incense.

The next tea I also had at Potala guest house, after Karma ordered milk tea and received this by mistake (a common occurence at meal times...I remember ordering a cheese omlette and recieving a chesse sandwich...but it was ok)...and it was Tibetan Butter Tea. Now, for anyone who has ever tried this tea...I found it much more helpful to drink it as you would a soup, rather than a tea, and in that context it was a very comforting and filling...ahh...liquid. We also were served Butter Tea at the monastery at Mahakala cave as well, which was a warm welcome.

Next up, was a hot lemon tea, again at Potala guest house, which was very good, but not all together unusual. I think that I came close to exhausting every version of tea on that menu, but not quite...I don't think that I had needed ginger tea yet...:)

At Ganpati guest house in Varanasi I discovered a new kind of tea with much delight, mint tea...which wasn't like mint tea you buy here...it was the actual plant in the hot water and it was delicious and refreshing and a wonderful adjunct to the spicy food (which really wasn't all that spicy, but by my standards it was plenty spicy) Later on in the trip, at Sarnath I discovered the benefits of ginger tea for nausea and later lemon-ginger with honey for colds.

And to think, I brought tea with me to India (laughing)...but in reality I was glad that I did...the lavender-chamomile and peppermint herbal teas came in handy on multiple occasions...especially with the convenience of a water coil (which heated water alot faster than my stove, I might add) and a ceramic cup:)

Blessings to all,
Menma

Emergency Mala

The reflections continue with the story of my first venturing out since returning to Wausau, WI. I decided today that my mala needed a transformation to coincide with the changes I had undergone while on retreat and thus, I set out to the craft store thinking that it would be a safe first trip out. I also felt the need to go out because I wanted to get the film out to be developed...me and my old fashioned camera:)

Well, I kept thinking I was forgetting something leaving the house - I had my wallet, my phone, my hat, me...but something was missing. I realized that it was my mala that I was missing after I was already in the car and on the way. Well, as I was starting to feel shaky, I remembered that I had a mala in my car, a small wrist mala that Pema had so thoughtfully given to me last year for Christmas, and so half jokingly I pulled out this "emergency mala" and began to do Guru mantra in the car, as I was out and about, even in the store. The feeling eased slightly as I remembered the dynamic of reliance and fell back into my familiar and comfortable pattern of methodically passing each soft bead between my fingers as the mantra flowed through my mind.

The trip out was short. Energetically I felt very overwhelmed and as such it is back to the meditation cushion for me. I will save more logistical things for later.

Hope all is well with the group. Thank you Jugney for posting about the Tibetan monastery, I could almost feel being there, with the wind blowing through the prayer flags and across the water.

Blessings,
Menma

Home is where you hang your hat...reflections continued

With new eyes I walked off the plane at O'hare airport in Chicago, busy busy busy, but in a different way then in India...perhaps with less mindfulness. We made our way through customs with out any challenges and picked up our bags, all of them, and proceeded to say our "see you soons" and final words of reflection on the past weeks.

Walking out of the airport I was met with a blast of icy cold air and with snow swirling around my feet. Fresh clean air rather than heaviness and snow rather than dust...interesting how so many miles can change so much. Into the car, on the right side of the road, lanes enforced, seatbelts...the drive was nothing compared to the bus rides in India, even my 3 hour drive back up to Wausau was nothing.

So we are home safe and sound, and I took a hot bath and washed off the dust of the last 3 days...not to mention tossed my clothes in the washer on the heavy cycle and left my shoes at the door to be dealt with in the morning. In light of having choices about food safety we ate ice cream and cheeseburgers, salads and chocolate. There was toilet paper in all the toilet stalls and the soap and water to wash. It is quiet outside, so quiet that I may have a hard time adjusting back to it...or perhaps not:)

So, that is the "we arrived safe" posting...late as it may be since the blog was not allowing me to sign in earlier today when I arrived home. And speaking of home...just what does home mean to you?

I wanted to share a reflection that I had on our 8 hour bus trip from Patna to Varansai...on whatever day that was...those last few days are kindof a blur. It was dark outside but the bus was dimly lit and as I gazed upward from my cramped seat I noticed that there was a maroon hat hanging from the luggage rack above the seat in front of me. It struck me at that moment that home really is where you hang your hat...and for us in that place and at that time, home was this rickety old bus. Yes, we yearned for the comforts of the guest house we were supposed to be at in Manjukatila...but as our buttons were tested, we took it in stride and just said, "well thats India for ya" and used the time to rest, or share, or meditate. We shared so much on that bus, and not just words...also squares of toilet paper:) and junk food of many kinds...and wetwipes of course.

Anyway, I was thinking as I arrived back in Milwaukee, that I was arriving back to a physical location that I had called home...but really I felt much more at home on that bus with precious Guru and my fellow Dharma practitioners. I realized that I would give all of this up...the luxurious bath, comfortable bed, clean food and water, quiet, space, clean air, etc...to be back in India, in a place where "home" was more than a defined physical space...it was fluid...more of a state of mind. I was at "home" in India on this pilgrimage.

Hmm...and the real home is yet to come...afterall...as we know...the human realm is not our home...even India:)

So to those who remain in India, savor every minute...even the not so desirable ones, and be at home....and keep posting...I loved reading the updates...I have many more thoughts to post, but will do so in the morning...it is midnight here and I have slept only nominally in the last 48 hours.

Much love,
Menma

Dawn at the Bodhi tree

I did something this morning that I had been wanting to do for the past several days while here in Bodhgaya. I left the hotel a little after 5am, dressed in 3 layers with bug spray on, meditation cushion, water and tissues in hand, I was prepared for a dawn meditation. The streets of Bodhgaya were almost deserted, except for several locals with their rickshaws and a number of the stray dogs that are everywhere here. The air was crisp and cool and it was close to quiet. I set out walking toward the temple and as I got closer more and more people appeared...the temple never seems to be closed...even at this early hour, lights were on, chanting of many voices, and the sounds of ritual bells rang through the air. Many monks, nuns, Indians, Tibetans and westerners were meditating, doing Kora and prostrating around the temple. Incense hung heavy in the air. The best time of day to be at the temple as a pilgrim. I did many rounds of Kora and then took a seat on the cool, smooth stone floor in front of the Bodhi tree to begin practice. As the time passed, the sky melted from that deep indigo blue to a beautiful lavender, to pink and finally to a light turqoise blue. As I gazed up at the Bodhi tree in front of me it struck me that perhaps this is the first thing the Buddha saw after attaining enlightenment.

Blessings to all,
Menma

Prayers and practices

Hello all,

It has been awhile since I have managed to bring myself to pursue finding a computer to post here, but I want everyone to know that our precious Guru and the group are ok...many are still nursing respiratory and GI problems (among other things) but the limitations of the body are not preventing strong practice from occuring, and we are recovering. We have been here in Bodhgaya for several days now...I am not sure how many, and are spending much time at the Bodhi tree, the place Lord Buddha Shakyamuni, is said to have attained complete and total enlightenment. It is a place of great wonder and prayer, and the one thing that it is not is quiet. As one does circumambulation or sitting meditation, one hears chanting coming from all directions, it ebbs and flows, but is always there...until suddenly I cease to hear it coming through during my meditation.

Rinyi, Tsering, Utpala, Chonyi and I were there earlier today sitting in front of the Bodhi tree, and after doing walking meditation...all ages, cultures joining us, we sat and watched a small Tibetan child walking with two women, one older and one younger...and this child was at that stage where children are learning to walk alone. She kept reaching for the womens' hands and other times would try to do it by herself and would fall. It struck me that that is how we are in our practice. We reach for support and it is always there if we really need it, but the practice part is necessary for us to learn and ultimately up to us. If we don't practice we will not learn. So we try and we stumble and get back up again and again and again and keep practicing and one day we will walk and not stumble and perhaps some day we will help others to learn to walk. And now I am off to the temple with Dewa and wish you all well...and I entreat you all to join us in the pilgrimage, in doing prayers, especially the Golden Rosary, and practice as you are able...energy and the practice transends time and space.

Much love,
Menma

Four Noble Truths

Here we are in the location of Lord Buddha Shakyamuni's first teaching - Sarnath. We are doing well, although some are feeling the effects of unfamiliar tastes and smells, myself included, but those concerns are minor compared with the wonder and amazement of India. Today we received teachings on the four noble truths at the Great Stupa in Sarnath and tomorrow we leave for Bodhgaya. I find it hard to put into words my impressions of India, and will leave it for now as my meditation place is calling and Drichab is feeling the need to return to our hotel as well. Be well all and see you soon.

Pilgrims, not tourists

Hi everyone, wishing you all a Happy New Year from Varanasi. We are 4 days into the pilgrimage now...I am not counting December 27th because we lost that day in travel.

Anyway, I think that it was really today that we all, or at least me, made the shift from tourist flashing cameras to pilgrim on a spiritual jounrey here in India. This morning before we went down to the burning ghats on the Ganges river Rinpoche took each of us in hand...literally...placed our mala there in our left hands and set us to maintain the mind of a pilgrim as much as possible, 24 hours a day. In this way, even as we were weaving in and out of narrow, uneven passageways and dodging goats and horses, bikes and people walking, experiencing the mysteries of India, we could maintain a more inner focus and continue to recieve the teachings being given interior. I could write more, but we are to begin recitation of World Peace prayers very shortly...and I hope with all my heart that there are fellow Sangha members in Wisconsin and elsewhere joining us.

Much love,
Menma

Process of arrival

I wanted to take some time to post to this blog as I think it is truly a wonderful forum to share what is now happening and also what is yet to come. I thank Pema for all her hard work in setting this up and teaching others how to use it. I also thank those that have taken the time to share their thoughts up to this point and also encourage others to participate.

That being said...I wanted to share a saying that another practitioner shared with me this evening. I feel that it is very appropriate in light of the discussions occurring about not getting too excited before we even arrive in India. The saying that I would like to share with you all is: Hasten Slowly, you will soon arrive (Milarepa).

I am sure that one could be led on many trains of thought in reading or hearing this particular saying. Personally, when I heard this I was, once again, back sitting at the start of another retreat, this past summer actually, listening to an opening session about the different levels of arrival to a retreat. In reflecting on that teaching, I recall that there were multiple levels of arrival that were discussed, beginning with preparation.

Even now while we are preparing for pilgrimage, as we have been doing fairly strongly for several weeks now, we are in a process of arriving that will progress to include a physical arrival to the retreat location as well as an energetic arrival to the present moment. In that way I look at arrival as a process in addition to simply an outcome. Since arrival is a process it seems like it should be approached as a marathon rather than a sprint. That being said, running a marathon requires a different strategy than running a sprint to achieve a successful outcome...sustained rather than one short burst...therefore, prepare but maintain that frame of mind that this is like a marathon rather than like a sprint.

I hope that sharing this was helfpul...it was for me. May your preparations go smoothly, practice well and see you all soon...